I have a friend, he goes by many names. Shitbird. Karagiozi (clown in Greek). Cave man. Grumpy. Or simply Sot.  I love him. He is my constant. The only man who hasn’t abandoned me.  He has seen all my parts, and still he choses to stay.  He puts up with me when I’m down, he tells me when I’m wrong, he laughs at me when I’m being foolish, he takes pride in  my accomplishments. Sincerely. Genuinely. We have been through thick and thin. Three failed relationships (mine) a divorce (his) the birth of a child (his) the loss of another.

Really he’s been there through thick and thin with me and when he needs me, which he rarely does, then he knows that I am there for him as well. Despite it all, through it all- our friendship continues to thrive. Cursing and periods of radio silence aside.  There are no expectations, no attachments, just understanding. Love. He has assigned himself my life coach.  And in our first  conversation with this new title, he has imparted me with incredible insight (insert sarcasm here), belly laughs and gut wrenching tears included.

Sot: Sab you need to be less of a rose and more of a cactus

Me: Wait, What???

Sot:  You need thorns

Me: But a rose has thorns

Sot: Domesticated roses don’t have thorns, you need to be less domesticated rose, more wild rose.  But more like a cactus

Me: You aren’t making any sense

Sot: You’re too sensitive, you need to grow some thorns. Like a cactus.

Me: (rolling over in laughter)

Sot: You need to snap out of this and stop being a victim. Be a happener sab.

This is sot speak, it’s not always clear but it always makes sense, in his own crazy way- eventually. I love that he gets me, and he knows how to get through to me. Not always successfully, but sometimes he manages and he will either make me laugh or cry or both. He knows how to get in my head – in the way that he can ask me a question and then figure out what my answer is without me saying a word. I know he’s right. I am too sensitive and I take things more personally than is really necessary. And I do need to start being a happener! Goddamn it I’m a happener!  I haven’t really figured out what that means, like tangibly. But I’m sure that Sot will be more than happy to provide some pointers.

I wish everyone could have one of him.  But then there would really be too many grumpy old guys around.  And really no one would want that (trust me). Shitbird, I love you, thank you for being the amazing person and friend that you are even with all the craziness that comes along with it (on both our ends).

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